Growing Up Together
By Ayana Verdi
I’ve never had a problem admitting that founding EcoSchool forced me to grow up.
Growing up on the Lower East Side of Manhattan and moving to Brownsville, Brooklyn when I was in second grade, I became familiar with surviving. Surviving gun shots on the walk home from school. Surviving teachers who took little girls on trips to the beach and then bought them new Nike sneakers on the way home. Surviving being kicked out of the house at 13 and falling victim to the predators who prey on young girls who don’t know any better.
Always surviving.
In the early 2000s, I watched as my nephew was medicated for school-diagnosed ADHD against the wishes of his mother who was told that if she didn’t, she would be charged with neglect. I watched as, at age 6, he was handcuffed by police officers in his elementary school classroom. Watched as he was institutionalized. I didn’t yet know if I wanted to have children of my own, but I knew that if I did, my trust for the educational system was in short supply.
By the time I had my own children, I didn’t realize how much growing up I still had to do. Those early years before school became compulsory, almost felt carefree. I knew things would be different for our family. We had time and energy. We were fully present.
Before we moved from NYC, I heard from a family member that my nephew was seen living on the street. My heart hurt for him. I remember driving around hoping to see him. To offer help. But I never found him.
When we started the school, it truly felt like the natural progression of our experiences - school could be different. Children will thrive in love, in connection. We wanted to build a program where relationships came first. We wanted to build a School Family - a community of people who could lean on each other, learn from one another, agree to disagree but still come together for a BBQ the next day, connection being the catalyst for the strength of our shared purpose.
We learned that children do thrive in love and yet, so many of the adults we met had never had an opportunity to explore their own growth. To move from the survival of their childhood and embrace what it meant to become an adult. So many were still there - still living the experiences that presented obstacles to their own growth.
What began as a challenging but hopeful chapter became an exercise in accepting how much I still had to learn. As a founder, I had to learn to listen more than speak. To consider others before myself. To consider the well-being of an entire School Family, even if it meant sacrificing something that I really wanted for my own family. I had to learn how not to just survive. I had to learn what it meant to practice composure and positive intent. I had to learn how to embrace mistakes and failing forward - or just failing. I had to learn how to ask for help. How to step back and let others lead. It wasn’t until I realized that I still had to learn how to grow up that I recognized that no one had ever taught me. I was being introduced to tools and learning how to use them in real time.
Is growth always a choice? Do we all have the same capacity for growth? I truly don’t know. I do know that being founder of Verdi EcoSchool is the hardest thing I have ever done.
How does a School Family shift from surviving to thriving? How do we offer space for growth? How do we support the supporters - fill the buckets of the bucket fillers? I believe that when we cultivate the conditions for growth, those who are ready will step forward - open and willing to engage in their own growth journey. Vulnerable, hopeful and willing to take a risk. In our School Family, it has been the mentors who carry the work forward. Leading the language of positive parenting, practicing how to honor boundaries - knowing that, even when it’s hard - we can still always assume that everyone is showing up, doing their very best, with the skills they have available to them in that moment.
Offering love instead of judgment. This is my School Family and we’re growing up together. One day at a time. ❤️
